miscarriage

In hindsight, I wish I would have wrote 2.5 weeks ago after we finally went to meet a birthmom in person.It was such a big deal! The timing felt right, she felt right, it was just right. Well apparently it was not right. Not yet for us and not with her. She let us know last night that this was a grueling decision esp. after meeting us, but she was going to match with another couple. It is easy to in our numb states to say that it was 5 months of wasted energy, but it really wasn't. She is still a beautiful woman making a difficult decision and as we have all bee advised, it sometimes does take a leap of faith. I also know that there is a very blessed couple out there that will parent her baby but not have the experience of an open relationship with her as that was not her wish. This is still a possibility for us . As yucky as it feels, I know the right one awaits us. There is NO WAY to predict anything about the process of how we become parents, we just have to trust that the universe will provide us with exactly what we need, when we need it. And in the meantime, the puppy we parent gives us endless kisses and love!

longest journey ever...

This is why I am not a good blogger... I nearly forgot I had this until Wally reminded me with his update.Today I hot a wall in this process  of complete and utter frustration at the vulnerability  I feel as a someone awaiting an adoption match. We have been so transparent with every  person that has contacted us since December and today I realized that the information that they really have about us is either from a website (which is electronic) , a piece of paper (our letter) or MOSTLY from emails (more electronic) and we spoke to 3 out of the 7 potential birthmoms, never more than 1 time. It is just a weird set of criteria to think you know someone by. We are open to answering any questions and yet feel such sensitivity as to what we can ask back. Will it give the wrong impression? Will we seem too pushy? 

We left our phone conversation with BM #1 without a real sense as to what she was thinking but knew exactly how we felt. It feels like this weird moonlighting job we have  that if we spend too much time focusing on, we will tear our hair out, so we don't. But then suddenly, we get contacted and put back on our superhero costumes and are off to fight crime or something!

Summer

when it rains it pours

I know it has been a LONG time! Sometimes it is just too much to keep up with   the blog world and real world! In the ""real"" world in the past 3 months we have had contact with  4 birth families. The 4th appearing into our lives today. As Wally speaks with her this very moment on the phone, I wonder if she is the one. I had a very comfortable conversation with her earlier and it is so amazing to listen to his special way of relating to   her too. 

This is an amazing, frustrating,  and somewhat ambiguous process. There are days where I don't think about it and then there are days when I am uber focused. It is a gift to  have the opportunity to enter the lives of strangers who  may magically become a REALLY important part of our lives. In a weird way , each conversation gets a little easier. After the 1st contact we had, I was sad that the couple went dark and we didn't her from them again,  and at the same time our social worker explained that we were, "one person closer" to the right one.

My life is full of wonderful kids that I get to witness rapidly growing and they remind me that when the time is right, there will be kid in my life that I won't have to send home:>