miscarriage

In hindsight, I wish I would have wrote 2.5 weeks ago after we finally went to meet a birthmom in person.It was such a big deal! The timing felt right, she felt right, it was just right. Well apparently it was not right. Not yet for us and not with her. She let us know last night that this was a grueling decision esp. after meeting us, but she was going to match with another couple. It is easy to in our numb states to say that it was 5 months of wasted energy, but it really wasn't. She is still a beautiful woman making a difficult decision and as we have all bee advised, it sometimes does take a leap of faith. I also know that there is a very blessed couple out there that will parent her baby but not have the experience of an open relationship with her as that was not her wish. This is still a possibility for us . As yucky as it feels, I know the right one awaits us. There is NO WAY to predict anything about the process of how we become parents, we just have to trust that the universe will provide us with exactly what we need, when we need it. And in the meantime, the puppy we parent gives us endless kisses and love!

longest journey ever...

This is why I am not a good blogger... I nearly forgot I had this until Wally reminded me with his update.Today I hot a wall in this process  of complete and utter frustration at the vulnerability  I feel as a someone awaiting an adoption match. We have been so transparent with every  person that has contacted us since December and today I realized that the information that they really have about us is either from a website (which is electronic) , a piece of paper (our letter) or MOSTLY from emails (more electronic) and we spoke to 3 out of the 7 potential birthmoms, never more than 1 time. It is just a weird set of criteria to think you know someone by. We are open to answering any questions and yet feel such sensitivity as to what we can ask back. Will it give the wrong impression? Will we seem too pushy? 

We left our phone conversation with BM #1 without a real sense as to what she was thinking but knew exactly how we felt. It feels like this weird moonlighting job we have  that if we spend too much time focusing on, we will tear our hair out, so we don't. But then suddenly, we get contacted and put back on our superhero costumes and are off to fight crime or something!

Summer

when it rains it pours

I know it has been a LONG time! Sometimes it is just too much to keep up with   the blog world and real world! In the ""real"" world in the past 3 months we have had contact with  4 birth families. The 4th appearing into our lives today. As Wally speaks with her this very moment on the phone, I wonder if she is the one. I had a very comfortable conversation with her earlier and it is so amazing to listen to his special way of relating to   her too. 

This is an amazing, frustrating,  and somewhat ambiguous process. There are days where I don't think about it and then there are days when I am uber focused. It is a gift to  have the opportunity to enter the lives of strangers who  may magically become a REALLY important part of our lives. In a weird way , each conversation gets a little easier. After the 1st contact we had, I was sad that the couple went dark and we didn't her from them again,  and at the same time our social worker explained that we were, "one person closer" to the right one.

My life is full of wonderful kids that I get to witness rapidly growing and they remind me that when the time is right, there will be kid in my life that I won't have to send home:>

A New Hope

I can only believe that by having new energy in this country will trickle down into bringing good luck to people in lots of different ways. We are all in need of change and I am so relieved that Barack Obama will help guide that mission! I got to spend the historic evening with dear friends from college and their children & it was very emotional, yet a perfect moment. I am grateful to live in a place where there is so much acceptance for being who you are and what circumstances come with you & I just know that goodness must lie ahead.

the waiting blanket

Clearly , I am a blogger who waits for inspiration ! Wally's version was recently updated with his thoughts about where we are at in our process and the same day he posted that, something beautiful and touching happened. 

A woman from our church whom refers to herself as " a good fairy" literally sent us the most special warmth. She knitted us a "waiting blanket." It is blue and has a block pattern that is very solid ! She presented it to me yesterday after the service and shared that Ted our Rector had blessed it earlier in the morning . This was SO moving and special to me and the first time in this process that I felt like I was truly receiving.  We slept with the blanket over both of us and just pray that when the time is right, there will be another sleeping with us under the blanket.

Where has the summer gone?

I guess life has just had me focused elsewhere over the last two months! Granted, the adoption is a part of our every day life, though not always at the top of the "to-do" list because there is always something to do. If you read Wally's last post, you'll see that we did send out a big mailing a few weeks back. We also continue to link our website to other adoption websites. We can only  keep trying to get our letter  & website out there and hope that they get into the hands of someone looking to find us.

The summer has been good. Busy with lots of work & some play. Looking forward to a beach weekend in San Diego is two weeks!

In denial that I will be back dancing  with middle schoolers at the end of the month!